AlphaHarlot Gives You Wood

I call my best friend The Guy on the Couch when I discuss him online. This is mostly because he does a lot of crashing on my couch but also because he kinda reminds me of The Guy on the Couch from the stoner classic, Half Baked…he’s full of wisdom when the goint gets tough and it really really counts. I’m going to call him TGOTC for the remainder of this blog (and most likely others) because it’s much easier then typing the whole thing out.
TGOTC is a musician and he has been for most of his life. He’s picked up an eclectic group of friends from all sorts of music backgrounds and on Saturday, he introduced me to two fellows that he’s known for over ten years. My first impression was that they were both giants…they were super tall, super big and maybe a bit visually intimidating. After a bit of conversation, I found out that they were actually teddy bears. One was a retired musician who played all sorts of string instruments and concentrated on the mandolin. The other was a lawyer.
We all piled in TGOTC’s mini van and head off to a nameless Jersey pseudo chain restaurant. There used to be locations all over Jersey and now they’re down to less then a few. It used to be my favorite place to eat because they had a KILLER salad bar but now they’re teetering on bankruptcy because of poor management and shoddy food.
Anyway…
The four of us go to this place to eat. We walk in and have to wait like 10 minutes even though there are 5 cars in the parking lot. The place is understaffed and the people that are working there are running around like chickens without heads.
We finally get seated and the waitress comes over to take our order. I tell her what I’d like, then TGOTC gives her his order and then the lawyer tells her he wants steak.
She makes the mistake of asking, “How would you like it?”

He makes the mistake of replying, “Up the ass,”
She freezes.
Her face turns bright red and she looks down at her shoes not knowing what to do.
The air stood still and I looked at TGOTC with wide eyes and said outloud, “Did he really just say that?”
Awkward. Totally completely awkward.
So the waitress finishes taking the last order and leaves.
The lawyer says, “Wow, it’s kind of uncomfortable when they just leave you hangin there,”
Crazy.
So a bit of time passes and out come two men carrying a plate of potato skins for TGOTC. These are apparently the managers of the establishment. We were able to tell that they were men of power from the way that the veins on their foreheads were pulsing when they approached the table. One of the guys came and stood next to me and started telling the lawyer that it was completely inappropriate that he spoke to the waitress like that. The lawyer apologized and said that it was just an ill timed joke.
The manager’s fists shook right next to me.
This guy was totally restraining himself from flying across the table and punching the lawyer in the face.
“You’re SORRY?! You’re SORRY?! Well maybe you should have thought about that before you said anything to my staff,”
I really didn’t think it was THAT big of a deal. Want to come over and tell him that he fucked up and that unnecessary comments wouldn’t be tolerated? Ok fine. But this guy was yelling at our table and the whole resturant was looking at us/him wondering what we had done to warrant a reaction like this.
We were all kind of puzzled sitting around the table.
Was the joke inappropriate? Yes, sure…of course it was. But it wasn’t like the lawyer asked the waitress if SHE’D like it up the ass…or that he’d like to bend her over the table and feed her salad bar from his butt hole.
She said, “How do you like it?”
He said, “Up the ass,”
I mean…it was HIS ass that he was talking about. If he likes butt play, why is that something for the manager to be so offended by? I kinda felt like it was super homophobic of the manager to do that to him/us/the restaurant in general
The over reaction and public shaming of the whole table was a bit much…but we sat there and we took it…and the lawyer kept yesing the manager…and eventually the manager walked away.
I was in shock.
The waitress came back over with the rest of our food and the lawyer apologized to her again. She said that’s fine and walked away.
I kind of don’t understand, if she was so offended by what he said that it required managers getting involved and ripping the lawyer a new butt hole, why the manager didn’t switch servers. I mean, when I was an Assistant, if an employee had an issue with a customer, I’d remove them from the situation…that’s how I was trained.
To make matters worse…when we were nearly done with our food, the forehead bulging manager came back over to us TO ACCEPT THE APOLOGY AGAIN AND TELL US THAT WE WERE WELCOME IN HIS RESTAURANT.
Was I not welcome in his restaurant before? I mean, I certainly got that vibe when I was waiting ten minutes for a table in an nearly empty restaurant on a Sunday afteroon…and also when we waiting another ten minutes to put in our drink orders. But the actual affirmation of us being allowed to eat at the table we were sitting at…after we ate the food and were about to pay the check…was more then a bit insulting.

I hope the franchise sinks into an economic fissure.

Edit:
I’m taking out the name of the restaurant from the blog because as indicated below in the comments, perhaps that wasn’t the best way to go about it.
Also…It was a joke. The waitress and the manager both need to get a sense of humor as do a few of the people commenting on the blog.
I’m here to tell stories from my point of view with my own opinion. Feel free to disagree if you like…but someone telling you that they like it up the ass is not that big of a deal in the world that I live in.
AND when we paid the bill, we left the waitress a $25 tip for her troubles…WE meant no harm and did not deserve to be yelled at like children when only ONE of us made the comment and then apologized for it directly after.

Edit of the edit:
I’m totally censoring spamming commenters. This blog, much like most of what I write here, is not that serious. You’re wasting way too much energy on this topic.